To hippie or not to hippie…that is the question!

See Joel at the front. What a beard x

So what do I feel about my first retreat?

YOGA
The yoga was amazing, after ten days I was nearly as elastic as I was aged 10. I was not quite tucking my feet behind my ears toddler style or doing intricate headstands like a full on yogini but that’s ok by me… I feel like it gave me a good starting point.

After intense yoga sessions, random feelings and old emotions hit me out of nowhere which was very confusing – it’s supposed to be calming and centring no? This happened twice after deep hip opening positions and it puzzled me until I found out later that we manifest unfinished emotional business in our hips. I suppose a good analogy for this would be our hips are a bit like that draw everybody has at home where you just shove all the things that don’t really have a proper place… then whenever you open it (and it’s rare that you do because it’s just full of junk) stuff spills out everywhere. It just clicked for me, it made perfect sense.

If somebody had told me that my hips were essentially my emotional junk draw ten days ago I would have nodded politely on the outside whilst thinking they were off their rocker on the inside. It was a very powerful discovery for me and I hope to continue with it back home. I knew I had big hips for a reason!

MEDITATION
This was hard. My mind does not resemble a still lake and I very much doubt it ever will. I did have a mini epiphany where for about 20 seconds my mind was empty and I could no longer feel my body but as soon as I realised it all vanished into thin air.

I always fell asleep at the Yoga Nidra (meditation lying down) and guiltily always saw this session as a good way to get a quick snooze in before dinner (Sorry Joel).

I honestly have to say the whole philosophy behind meditation makes perfect sense and the difference I felt doing yoga and meditation together helped to calm the storm inside. You know that satisfying feeling when you clean the house from top to bottom… It felt like that but inside my head. It just felt good.

VEGAN FOOD
Although I don’t want to see another vegan stew for a long time…the food was no issue for me, unlike John who literally suffered cold turkey protein related withdrawal symptoms. A few times I found him day dreaming intensely. After a quick nudge to bring him out of his reverie he’d regale me with his perfect meat based day dream and gaze longingly off into the distance picturing eggs – boiled, scrambled, poached and fried.

The stuff John’s dreams were made of. Courtesy of http://www.friedstuffwithcheese.com

Based on this retreat I have now made the transition from pescatarian to vegetarian and will play about with more vegan recipes when I get home (sorry Mum). I want to try a raw diet cleanse too but I haven’t mentioned this to John yet because I think he’ll leave me.

In all honesty I really cherished this time to take stock of myself from the inside out. I had time to stop and think properly about who I am, question my values and look at what I think and feel on a deeper level. But most of all it gave me the opportunity to think about what I want my place in the world to be and how I can help and do my best not just for myself but for others too. Deep huh? See it was a really busy ten days!

Namaste lovely blog readers.

Sweet dreams

DW xxx

The diary of a sceptic: 10 days on retreat (JG)

DAY 1
Keep an open mind, keep an open mind. You’re here so just embrace it. In our first meditation session we swallow a metaphorical pill that contained our entire solar system, well not all of the solar system, that would have been too much to swallow, so we left out pluto. I manage two helpings at lunch, surprising, considering that only 40 minutes ago I swallowed the majority of our solar system. Joel, the founder, has a very impressive beard.

At the end of day one I am wondering whether I have now officially entered in to a cult? First thing tomorrow google the definition of cult.

There’s a DJ in our bungalow. Dance music from the local village starts at 6pm and continues until 3am. Ironic really for a peaceful meditation retreat.

DAY 2
Turns out it’s wedding season. This means loud music from the village for more nights to come. Who needs sleep to relax?

What is this guy on about? Think about all of the earthworms and those that have been before!?! Yesterday it was spoons. I’m not sure I understand anything he talks about. Is it just me? Everyone else seems totally into it. I’m just confused. Meditation is hard, Yoga is fun and the vegan food is quite nice.

Pulled some killer shapes at expressive dance.

DAY 3
Body aches from expressive dance. Turns out some do understand Joel’s metaphors some don’t. I guess he just has a different way of explaining a point. Need to concentrate harder.

Another vegan stew/broth/soup for dinner. All starting to taste the same.

DAY 4
Day of silence. Shhhhuuuusssssshhhhh!!!

Concentrated harder. Understood the point of the first metaphor but spent so much time working it out that I missed the rest of what he said.

Meditation, essentially sitting still in silence and emptying your mind, is not easy. Thoughts keep pouring in, mostly about chicken, and the pain in my ass, back and knees.

DAY 5
Implement advice from Sean, the manager, on meditation. Try not to fight the thoughts, let them ride out. This makes todays meditation session a lot less frustrating and more relaxing.

Need to break free from the retreat. Feeling chlostrophobic. Grab a couple of bikes and cycle to the temple nearby. Temple is nice, iced coffee at the cafe opposite is nicer. No coffee allowed in Hariharalaya. Notice chicken on the menu but fight the urge.

Have a massage this afternoon with a local blind masseuse. Turns out I must have offended him in a past life as he spends the hour pummelling my body. Worked wonders on my bad shoulder mind so signed up for two more.

Stomach can’t take another vegan stew/broth/soup for dinner. I decide to just eat rice. Craving a none wet meal, preferably with a source of protein.

Movie night tonight. Karate Kid.

DAY 6
Got a taste for the world outside Hariharalaya. Take a bike and head off to the local market. Treat myself to another coffee.

Joel has kindly arranged for a trip to meet the monks at a local pagoda and meditate with them. Amazing experience. Unfortunately I end up at the front facing the monk for the meditation. Can’t get comfy. Spend the 30 minutes of meditation thinking that the monk knows that I’m thinking about chicken and shuffling around to try and get comfy. So much for stillness.

Got a lift there and back on a scooter. Three grown adults on the bike. Poor bike.

Think a five or six day retreat would have been enough for me. Starting to feel like a school boy fighting naughty urges to rebel.

Sean did a magic show tonight. I want to be a magician.

How do they do it?

DAY 7
Went on the village bike tour today. Was great. A local farmer with a good grasp of English gave the tour. He took us around the market and then introduced us to his family. A humbling insight into village life in Cambodia, the joys and struggles.

Decided to take the “all classes mandatory” rule with a pinch of salt.

Got beaten up again by the masseuse.

DAY 8
Trip to the big city. A group of us biked to Siem Reap. Bike too small for me. Ass and knees hurt.

Ate eggs benedict, had a coffee, ate a burger, cycled back. God I miss protein.

Sweet treat tonight, coconut ice cream. Delicious.

DAY 9
Common phrase used, connect with your breath. Finding it difficult to do so as I only have one functioning nostril. On the long inhales and holding of breath I am almost passing out.

DAY 10
New yoga teacher. Gives a punishing routine. Not sure about the wrist and hand dance at the start of the class. Bit early in the morning for wrist dancing.

Final session with the masseuse. First client for him this morning. Instead of the hour he gives me an hour and a half. Could be for one of three reasons:

1. He likes me and wanted to give me a thoroughly good massage before I leave
2. He doesn’t like me and enjoys causing me pain
3. He feels sorry for my sore shoulder and decides to give it some extra attention.

I’d like to think it’s a combination of one and three but can’t help feeling it may be a little of two.

Got worried when he suggested cupping. Put my hands straight over my crotch. Rather me cup than him. Mistaken, cupping is having a contraption not too dissimilar to a toilet plunger stuck onto you to get deeper into your muscles. “Too hard?” He asked. “No fine” I say. When the suckers are removed he laughs and says “ooops too hard.” Have three golf ball size lumps around my shoulder blade. Walk out in a dizzy massage haze. Daisy gives me evils. She’s been waiting for half an hour for her massage. Whoops.

This is what happens when you get cupped

DAY 11
We made it.

Day of silence. Makes it a bit difficult to say our goodbyes to people. Tuk tuk back to the city where protein rich food and a cold beer await.

OVERALL VERDICT….
I am really glad that we did this, but six or seven days would have been enough for me.

I don’t quite know whether I have enjoyed it or not. But then it was a complete step into the unknown and out of my comfort zone, so I’m not sure whether I was ever supposed to? I certainly feel that I’ve developed myself in areas that were previously alien to me and aim to continue with yoga and meditation, so I don’t think I can really ask for more.

A big thank you to the team at Hariharalaya who constantly went out of their way to make our stay a good one.

JG

The Naked Truth About Meditation…

Ommm, thinking about spoons…x

The day of silence is upon us. John and I forget and have a very early morning chat, suddenly remember and then revert to sign language in the dark. Along with silence it is meditation immersion day:

Daily schedule:

S**t!

This is going to be tough. The meditation is the most challenging part of this entire experience. After nearly four hours meditating I am literally screaming inside my head for the little symbol to sound signalling the end of the session and the end of the day. I never thought it would be so hard to sit still and think about nothing but truly it is. Your back starts hurting, the mosquitos are buzzing and biting everywhere, you can smell dinner cooking and its all very distracting when your trying to clear your mind.

My meditation goes a little something like this:

6pm
Feeling comfy, eyes closed, clear mind.Yes. Positive.

6.01
Mmmm wonder what is for tea tonight?

6.02
Stop it, no… must clear mind…. clear and free.
Yes back on track.

6.03
I hope that Bridget Jones new book is as good as the last one
Mr Darcy…
Loved Pride and Prejudice…
Not the one with Keira though…
Too pouty!

6.04
Oh crap!
Thank the thoughts for coming but just let them free…
Bye bye thoughts…
(picture fast flowing stream with mini thought boats floating away)

6.05
Nice, clear, free mind…
I could do this forever it’s so easy…
Mind is like a still lake. (Picture a still lake)

6.06
I wonder if John will let me have a Pug when we get back.
I really miss Ruby (my cat)
Ooooh wonder how Mum and Dad are?
Could murder a Sunday dinner right now…
Mmmmm Pavlova for pudding. With strawberries…

6.07
Bloody stupid brain. Stop. It.
*mosquito buzzing right next to my ear*
Must.Not.Move.
MANTRA: Don’t move, don’t move, don’t move.

6.07
*Audible SLAP*
Ha. Got the bastard…
Take that you little shit…

*Nanosecond thought consideration*
Crap – not very Buddhist behaviour…
All life is precious…
Very important life lesson. Must remember…

6.08
Back on track now…
At one with the world…
Must concentrate on the breath for reconnection…
Yes…
Calm…

*tantrum in head like toddler*
I can’t do this. I can’t, I can’t, I can’t…
I really need a weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee eee eeeeeeeeeee

6.09
*Incredulous*
How long have we been doing this?

6.10
*Screaming inside voice*
RING THE BLOODY BELL!

And that was just the first ten minutes. Imagine 4 hours of being in your own mind?

At about 9.30pm John and I cracked and had a good old gossip session tucked underneath the mosquito net.

Namaste lovelies

Over and out

Ommmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

DW XXX

Hariharalaya Retreat Day 3…

Sun setting just before evening meditation x

I have broken out in a rash! What else Asia? Seriously. I’m surround by very young, yogi type, beautiful people and looking like a blotchy, pimply red sweat bag and it’s doing nothing for my chakras/chi/ying/yang etc.

With this in mind I have decided it’s my bodies way of telling me I need to relax MORE so I take today’s relaxation regime to the extreme and read about how to recharge my chakras (all of them need doing), drink coconuts and serenely, or at least in my head, practise yoga at sunset.

All is going well and we are both really getting into the groove of this place until mid-meditation I nearly throw up from an uncontrollable coughing fit that just descended from nowhere. The room was pitch black as I launched myself up from my mat and leapt for the door. The room was at total peace, all deep breathing and relaxed faces, until I charged through trying not to trip over peoples hand woven yoga shawls, tiger balm and mosquito spray. At least it was dark and nobody could see it was me.

It’s about 9.30pm, Chinese New Year and I’ve just sat down to write this as ‘Who let the dogs out’ has started to play at another wedding near the retreat. It’s Chinese New Year so I have no doubt it will carry on until the early hours.

Tomorrow we are all meant to be completely silent – nobody is allowed to speak. I am really looking forward to it for some reason. Sometimes it’s tiring making friends and asking the same questions all the time. I am looking forward to just being.

10.20pm -the dogs in the village are actually now howling and the two geese that live in the pond behind our hut have just decided to take a very splishy splashy bath. You’ve gotta laugh.

Night night

DW xxx

Hariharalaya Retreat Day Two…

Tree pose x

6.30am gong goes off and we are ready to go. After Manumission closed at 3am the Monks start chanting a 4am so there has really been very little peace and quiet considering it’s a retreat. Never the less off we trot off for a quick green tea before our first session of yoga in the main hall. I think I have just fallen in love, the session is fabulous and I feel amazing. Next up is chanting, very dubious about this but in for a penny in for a pound so we ommmm and chant for 30 minutes and I surprise myself because I absolutely love it too….jaya, jaya, hari chrishna all of it. Next meditation which proves hard, colours, memories, thoughts, feelings all swarm in front of my closed eyelids but I feel myself let go a little more and there are moments of gentle stillness that last all of 5 seconds max until another thought comes crashing in to disrupt me. Stupid brain.

In celebration of the new moon we are told we will be doing an expressive dance meditation tonight – I’m not making this up honestly. Slight apprehension as any dancing that takes place for me is usually done after a few glasses of wine.

6pm came and so did the gong to call us all into the hall. I peeled myself off the hammock all the time feeling a slight sense of foreboding. This is what proper hippies do! We all laid down and meditated for a while. Joel then ‘invited us’ to start moving our bodies around on the floor. I kept having cheeky peeks at the others – I just couldn’t get into it. I was strategically placed next to the exit in case of a quick getaway. I tried frantically to gesture to John that I was leaving but he was too busy doing interpretive Muay Thai positions so I thought well sod it, if he is getting into it then so am I. At that point the beat started picking up and we all got onto our feet. We danced for about 40 minutes and it was crazy. There was some serious interpretive moves and shapes being pulled on that dance floor, people were totally going for it with not the slight hint of self consciousness. John was actually lunging at one point, others were whirling, stomping, clapping, shouting all with no alcohol on a Thursday night – brilliant. This was seriously one of the best things we have done so far. Just goes to show you have got to step out and try new things….

Bed early again and surprisingly no techno music. Bliss x

The light in me shines to the light in all of you. Namaste… ha

DW xxx

Hariharalaya Retreat Day One

Arrive at 10am for our induction. This is the schedule that John and I have committed to for the next ten days.

Full on…

First impressions are great – the retreat looks lovely an open plan communal area all light and airy with hammocks and chairs scattered around outside everywhere. The library is massive… I have been here no more than 2 minutes and I already have three books signed out.

Our little home for the next ten days…

I get a bit worried on our intro tour, when 5 minutes in our guide has reverentially referred to “Joel, our founder” at least 3 times like we might forget! Coupled with the last trip advisor review which mentions a ‘cult like atmosphere’ I’m starting to worry a little. This is only compounded further when in our first meditation session we are asked by Joel to “consider all the spoons that exist now or have ever existed”. Its safe to say i’m not really very successful at this and my mind starts wandering erratically. I can feel how scattered and unrestful my mind actually is as I find it incredibly difficult to sit even for half an hour and think of nothing. Not to worry though, I am undeterred and happy to go all zen like with the flow and try and settle into this new and very different environment. The food is a pure vegan menu which is great for me but I fear high protein JG will potentially struggle (peanut vegetable stew with rice and salad). After a meditation session they reward you with food so I guess even if we do meditate over spoons at least we have something to look forward to.

At each meal we form a circle around the table whilst Joel leads us in a short prayer followed swiftly by a final Ommmmmmmmmmm with hands by our hearts. After the spoons at meditation and the prayer (a 14th century poem by a chap called Hafez) I am not really sure I have fully understood anything that Joel has actually said yet. We are still totally new to this so I feel sure by the end i’ll be OK – at least I hope to get just one of his metaphors before I leave here. I am not used to having my eyes closed so much and I can’t help but peek over to John (everybody has eyes closed with very serious faces) to gauge his reaction. He gives me a little wink and a wry smile – I think this is going to be very interesting indeed.

Early to bed tonight only to find that Cambodia’s version of Manumission is right next to the retreat. We fall asleep to the dulcet thud of drum and base, hip hop and dance music from circa 2003 – its wedding season at the moment and it seems the whole village is getting married. Not so relaxing but the prospect of what is for breakfast keeps us strong.

Namaste.

DW xxx

A sceptics view (JG)

Our time away is and always has been about experiences. Some within our comfort zone, some outside of it. It was never about partying and bouncing from one sight to the next to tick our travel boxes. When Deborah suggested a 10 day meditation, yoga and vegan retreat I was sceptical at first, but reminded myself that this is exactly why we are here.

I’m a dooer, I like to keep myself busy. A constant thinker. Quite easily distracted. I get anxious when I sit still and relax for too long. I like to be in control, making my own decisions and being in charge of my own day. I’m also a meat eater, who follows a diet that is protein heavy. I am the exact opposite of what the Hariharalaya retreat is all about.

Tomorrow the retreat begins, this could be the longest 10 days of my life or it could be quite an enriching experience that may assist me in improving my ability to relax a little and switch my brain off.

JG